Health & Sex
What Is a Sexual Fetish?
While you might like the sight of
your partner in a pair of high heels during sex, that doesn’t necessarily mean
you have a shoe fetish.
A fetish is sexual excitement in
response to an object or body part that’s not typically sexual, such as shoes
or feet. They’re more common in men.
Many people with fetishes must have
the object of their attraction at hand or be fantasizing about it, alone or
with a partner, in order to become sexually aroused, get an erection, and have
an orgasm.
A person with a fetish might
masturbate while they hold, smell, rub, or taste the object. Or they might ask
their partner to wear it or use it during sex.
People can “fetishize” almost
anything.
There are many web sites about lots
of fetish interests,. “Anything you could imagine.”
According to a study, the most common
fetishes involve body parts, such as feet, or body features, such as obesity, piercings, or tattoos. The feet are
by far the most common. Body fluid, body size, and hair fetishes aren’t far
behind.
After body parts comes things you
wear. The same study put clothes worn on the hips and legs, such as stockings
and skirts, at the top of the list. Footwear, then underwear, ranked closely
behind.
Fetishes that involve the feel of a
certain material, often leather or rubber, are also common. Some people like
dressing themselves and their partner in furry animal costumes.
Sexual behavior experts don't agree
on the causes. Some people can trace their attraction back to early childhood,
before they were aware of their sexuality.
A fetish can also come from seeing
inappropriate sexual behavior during childhood or from sexual abuse, says
Kenneth Rosenberg, MD. He's a psychiatry professor at Weill Cornell Medical
College.
A sexual fetish is
not a disorder by definition, but it can reach that level if it causes intense,
lasting distress.
What Is a Sexual Fetish?
Are Fetishes OK?
“Whether somebody
is doing this by themselves or with a partner, if they’re happy with it, then
it’s not an issue," Krueger says, as long as it causes pleasure and no one
is being forced to take part.
“My patients come
to me because they feel it’s a problem,” Rosenberg says. “Their behaviors are
not interesting, fun, or even sexy. They are not simply experimenting with
novel means of sexual expression. They are desperate, compulsive, and sometimes
so distressed by their behaviors that suicide is
a consideration.”
When it's a
disorder, it feels out of control. Someone might disappear from work or home to
practice their fetish in secret. This fascination could also keep them from
doing their job.
“A physician could
have a foot fetish, for example, and spend a large amount of time and attention
on his patients’ feet,” Krueger says.
People with these
disorders might also steal to get the object of their desire. Often, they can’t
have meaningful sexual
relationships with other people. They might prefer to have time
alone with their object, even when they're in a relationship with another
person.
“If your partner
said, ‘Wear a pair of sexy shoes tonight,' you’d probably say, ‘Why not?’ But
if your partner said, ‘You can sleep in the other room, just leave me your
shoes,’ that would be a problem,” Rosenberg says.
Standard treatment
includes medication and talk therapy with
apsychiatrist or
counselor.
Still, some
fetishes can be harmless. A recent study on “adult baby/diaper lovers” found
that among nearly 1,800 men and 140 women who report having this fetish, most
said they were "comfortable" with their fetish and that it wasn't a
problem.
The same can be
said of people who enjoy bondage, discipline or domination, sadism, and
masochism, commonly known as “BDSM,” Rosenberg says. As long as everyone
agrees, then chances are “no one’s getting hurt in a way that is extreme or
permanent, and everyone’s happy with what’s happening.”
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